


Don't Let Me Go

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, also jongin is an alcoholic, and background everyone else, and poor little sad kyungsoo, but iss okay, hint of taekai, mainly just kaisoo, some background baekyeol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-19 01:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2368919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim Jongin had a problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: i am a fourteen year old girl, i have zero experience in the medical field so let us pretend i know what i'm saying and that this is a real thing.
> 
> also i wrote this in the notes of my phone so if something looks like /this/ it means it should be in italics okayyyyyy.

Kim Jongin had a problem.

A problem that began when he started getting aches in all his bones. A problem that consumed his life after said aches developed into an incurable bone disease that ceased his dancing, ceased his career, everything he ever worked at; his whole future.

Jongin often wonders why bad things happen to good people, and when luck decided to skip over him and onto the next person. Why this virus chose /his/ bones to eat from the inside out.

Kim Jongin was an alcoholic.

The first night Jongin stumbles home drunk, Kyungsoo is sat at the table, phone clutched in his hand, wide eyes even wider, tears threatening to spill over.

Feeling the warm waves of relief wash over his body, Kyungsoo reaches for his boyfriend, embracing him in a tight hug that lasts for two seconds too long and three seconds too short.

Jongin pushes him off with a laugh.

"It's not curable," he says, laughing more. "Funny innit? My dream, my entire life. I put my all into my dancing. I put my all into my dancing and this is what it gives me back? An incurable fucking bone disease. Ha! Ha."

Jongin slumps over in defeat, sobs wracking his body, short shallow breaths and all he can think is, these are the things I no longer wish to understand.

There are many more nights like these, and all Kyungsoo can do is wash off the vomit in his boyfriend's clothes and hope he's a little less drunk tonight. 

(He's never a little less drunk, it's always a little more than the day before, and Kyungsoo's tears stop falling when his boyfriend comes home. Or doesn't come home.)

The worst night is when Jongin brings someone else home in his drunken state.

Kyungsoo is once again waiting on the couch for his boyfriend to come home, when the door slams open. He sighs, running a hand through his messy hair, and turns, shocked at the sight.

Jongin's got another guy pressed up against the wall, trailing small kisses down his neck, and Kyungsoo can feel his heart breaking at that moment.

He can feel his heart drop to his stomach, can feel the tears spilling over his eyes, can feel that /Jongin doesn't love him anymore/.

"I hope you have a nice night, babe," Kyungsoo chokes out, walking out the door with as much pride as he can muster.

He hears faint shouts of /you have a fucking boyfriend?/ and /it's all for nothing anyways, I'm dying, who cares/.

Kyungsoo spends two nights crying at his best friends shared apartment, dreading going back home to Jongin.

-

When he finally does come home, it's with an aching heart to an empty apartment and he's really not surprised because /Jongin doesn't love him anymore, anyways/.

He sits on the couch, stares at the wall, and waits patiently for his boyfriend to come home drunk again.

-

The first time Jongin realizes he hates himself, it is two in the afternoon, and the sun is shining relentlessly above the building he's in.

The words replay over and over in his head; a mantra of torturous syllables formed together to create his worst nightmare.

"In simpler terms, you have a virus that's eating your bones from the inside out. You have about two years. It's incurable."

"But can I dance?" he asks, voice shaking, body shaking because that's all that matters, as long as he can still dance, it doesn't matter how much time is left.

And his world comes crashing down around him with the simple shake of a head and an apologetic pat on the shoulder.

He wonders how the same languages that say wonderful things like "I love you," can say things that can ruin your life so easily, so swiftly.

The second time he realizes he hates himself is his first night at his new favorite bar.

All he can think of is this all consuming self-hatred.

Because how can he love something that took away the only thing he ever loved?

As soon as the thought crosses his mind, Kyungsoo comes to the forefront of it. He loves Kyungsoo.

But Kyungsoo isn't dance. Kyungsoo isn't the only thing that could've pushed his future to what it should have been.

(But Jongin knows that isn't true. Kyungsoo was supposed to be a part of his future, too. But now Jongin doesn't get a future. He takes another shot.)

He meets Taemin at the bar.

Taemin's hot, they're both drunk, and Jongin only has a limited time to live anyways, so why not?

"Because of Kyungsoo," a little voice at the back of his head tells him.

He pretends he doesn't hear it.

He also pretends he doesn't have a boyfriend at home as he walks with Taemin by his side, occasionally stopping to kiss each other.

The third time he realizes he hates himself is when Kyungsoo leaves and Taemin leaves, too.

Jongin just leaves. Doesn't close the door. He doesn't care anyways. He's dying. Robbers could take his stuff if they want. He remembers that it's Kyungsoo's apartment, too. He walks back and closes the door.

The next day, he gets a call from Chanyeol.

"Here it comes," he huffs, irritated.

"Kim Jongin I don't care who the fuck you think you are or if you're dying or an alcoholic. Okay. I care if you're dying but like, what the fuck? How could you do that to Kyungsoo? He's been crying nonstop for almost /10 hours/. He ate all my ice cream. He doesn't even like ice cream," Chanyeol said. He tried to sound serious and stern but he was never really good at that.

"I know. He likes frozen yogurt," Jongin whispers, too late, and realizes Chanyeol hung up a while before.

The fourth time Jongin realizes he hates himself is in that moment.

He goes back to the bar.

(He can't help but think of Soo wrapped in a blanket and crying. Because of him. He orders another round.)

-

Jongin doesn't come home that night.

Kyungsoo is beyond worried. He's frantic.

He regrets every bad thing he's thought about him in the last 48 hours. He prays that Jongin is okay.

He falls asleep with his head on the table and his phone clutched in his hand.

A few hours after Kyungsoo wakes up, Jongin is back. Still half drunk.

Kyungsoo sighs, and tries to help him to the bathroom to wash him off, and Jongin pushes him off.

"No! Stop! Don't touch me!" Jongin screams at Kyungsoo, and he can't believe it. Jongin has /never/ screamed at Kyungsoo. He's never even raised his voice at him.

Kyungsoo snaps.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Kim Jongin? I get that you're dying. I get that you're depressed and stressed. But fuck, Jongin, I can't /take/ this anymore! You coming home drunk /every fucking night/, me worrying to death when you don't come back at all. And then you treat me like this? I can't do this anymore," he finally finishes, anger fading away to just feeling /tired/.

"I don't even love you anymore," Jongin lies.

And Kyungsoo is past caring already. He knew that.

(But that's a lie. It breaks Kyungsoo and it feels like his heart is being dipped in acid and ripped apart piece by piece and he can't breathe.)

Kyungsoo leaves for a few hours, and comes back expecting to find the house empty.

What he is definitely not expecting to see is Jongin, /sober/, sitting on the couch, lip trapped between his teeth and a small indent in between his eyebrows. He's worried.

Kyungsoo clears his throat, and Jongin's head snaps up to look at him.

It hits Kyungsoo then, how much pain Jongin has gone through. He can see the hurt in Jongin's eyes, but more prominently, the apologetic look that he's giving him.

"Kyungsoo, I'm so sorry," he begins, getting up and aproaching Kyungsoo slowly, like a wounded animal. Huh. "That-, sorry doesn't even cover it."

Kyungsoo is immediately on his guard. He controls his expression, and gives Jongin a look.

"I know, I know, Soo," and it hurts Kyungsoo to hear Jongin call him that since it's been so long since he has. "I need to make it up to you. I know I can. I have to. You deserve so much better than what I've done. You deserve better than me on my best day."

No, Kyungsoo thinks. That's me.

"I can't- Jongin, I can't just forgive you right away just because you apologize," he begins, eyebrows furrowing in frustration as he tries to word this the right way. "I need time. You don't even- you don't even know what you did to me. How much that hurt. I can't even put it into words."

Jongin decides then and there that he's never, /ever/ going to hear Kyungsoo say those words again. He's never going to feel his heart break because he hurt Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo continues, "I don't even know if I can trust you. How do I know you won't just go and get drunk again tomorrow? I don't, Jongin, and I need to know that before I can begin to even try to forgive you."

"I know, I know. I've already gotten rid of anything we have in the house. I'll tell you where I'm going everytime I leave. I promise," Jongin says, his eyes pleading with Kyungsoo, and how can he say no?

"Fine," Kyungsoo says, hoping he won't regret it. "I can try to forgive you, because I love you too much to just let you go."

Jongin breathes out a long sigh of relief.

"Kyungsoo?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

-

"Jongin where the fuck are we, what are you doing?" Kyungsoo grumbles, and Jongin's got his eyes covered, laughing too close to his ear.

"Kim Jongin, are these stairs? Where are we going?" Kyungsoo says, exasperated.

"Calm down, Soo," Jongin says, smiling as big as his face allows. "Okay, open your eyes."

Kyungsoo opens his eyes, and immediately he realizes that they're on the roof of their apartment building. He can see all the buildings that surround them, and the sun is almost setting. In the middle, there's a blanket just big enough for the two of them, and a picnic basket.

Kyungsoo can't help but smile.

"Sooo... Do you like it?" Jongin asks, feeling like a teenager on his first date.

Kyungsoo just turns around and pecks him on the lips.

"So, what's in the basket?" He asks nonchalantly, and turns away to walk towards the basket.

(And he pretends he doesn't have to hide his smile. Jongin pretends he doesn't notice. For Soo.)

-

"That one looks like Junmyeon the first time he got drunk," Kyungsoo says, laughing out loud.

"Um, that looks like a drowned monkey," Jongin says, giving Kyungsoo a questioning look.

"Exactly," Kyungsoo says, and they both burst out laughing.

They're lying next to each other on the blanket on the roof, watching the clouds go by as the sun sets.

Jongin snakes his hand around Kyungsoo, bringing him closer. Kyungsoo just hums, happy to be close to him again.

"Hey, Soo," Jongin whispers, a small smile on his face.

"Yes?" Kyungsoo says, his eyes half closed as Jongin's been rubbing circles in his back.

"I love you," Jongin whispers, and Kyungsoo can hear the smile in his voice.

"I love you more," he replies, turning over to look at his boyfriend.

"How did I ever get so lucky?" Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo smirks, not missing the opportunity to tease him.

"I don't know Jongin, maybe it was when you fell on your ass and I was the only one that didn't laugh and went to help you up," he says, chuckling through it.

"You were the only one on the street!" Jongin exclaims, also recalling how they met.

"Yeah, but still. You tried to ask for my number and completely failed. It was hilarious," Kyungsoo says, letting out a laugh that lights up his whole face.

"Oh god," Jongin says, covering his face with his hands, feigning embarrassment when really he's pleased that Kyungsoo remembers.

They sit on the roof and talk for a few more hours. Kyungsoo just thinks of how grateful he is that Jongin's back to normal. Jongin's just greatful he had his Kyungsoo back.

-

The last time Jongin dances, no one knows it's the last time he'll ever dance.

"God damnit I'm tired of these blind fold dates, Jongin," Kyungsoo whines, and Jongin smiles behind him.

When Jongin takes off the blind fold, they're at Jongin's old dance studio. Kyungsoo's face falls. This can't be good.

"Jongin, is this rea-" he gets cut off by a finger on his lips, and his eyebrows furrow in confusion.

Jongin takes a long, shaky breath before speaking. "I can't- I just. Dancing means so much to me. And I can't do it anymore, I know I can't. But I have to do it. I have to," he ends and as he looks up at Kyungsoo, there are tears running down his face.

Kyungsoo nods his head and sits right in front of the mirror, in the middle, like he used to on nights that Jongin practiced late.

Jongin presses play on the radio and starts stretching. He tries to hide his pain and discomfort, and Kyungsoo sees right through it.

As the next song starts playing, Jongin walks to the center of the room, takes a breath to steady himself and closes his eyes.

The transformation is amazing, Kyungsoo can't help but think.

He looks on as Jongin lets the music take over him until it's all he hears. Until the music is all he feels. He steps and moves along to the beat, and he's perfect, of course. 

Once the song is over, he's a heap on the ground, sobbing and trying to hold onto some part of himself that isn't there.

Kyungsoo lies next to him and holds him in his arms, but it does nothing to stop Jongin from falling apart anyways.

-

They don't talk about it. But Jongin gets worse as the days pass. He's depressed, and his bones are getting weaker as the days progress.

It's nothing too bad at first; just not being able to stretch too much, or crack his bones like he used to.

But it gets worse. Some days the pain is so bad he can't even get out of bed. Kyungsoo brings him kimchi and kisses.

On good days, they go out. To get ice cream, or for walks in the park. Sometimes they visit Baekhyun and Chanyeol in their apartment. They even run into Taemin and his new boyfriend. Awkwardness ensues.

-

When good and bad days turn into only bad days, Kyungsoo grows more worried. He takes too many days off of work spent cuddling on their couch and watching Disney movies.

"Okay but, why doesn't she just leave the tower?" Jongin asks Kyungsoo, and it's the fifteenth question he's asked when they're only about 10 minutes into Tangled. Kyungsoo doesn't mind.

"She didn't have any reason to. Her mother wanted her to stay, so she did," Kyungsoo replies, carding his fingers through Jongin's hair, and Jongin looks an awful lot like a puppy as he drifts off to sleep in Kyungsoo's arms.

It's on one of the days Kyungsoo doesn't have off work that the pain gets to be too much.

Kyungsoo's phone is ringing incessantly, and he heaves out a sigh as he answers with a rushed and slightly annoyed, "Hello?"

"Is this Do Kyungsoo?" The person on the other line asks, and he has an air of authority to his voice, so Kyungsoo straightens immediately, putting on his professional tone.

"Yes, sir," he replies.

"I'm calling to inform you that your boyfriend was rushed to the hospital about an hour ago. Were you aware of his condition?" the man on the other line asks, and Kyungsoo's blood runs cold.

"Y-yes, I am aware. He's been fine lately," He manages to get out, choking on his words. His boss has stopped to eavesdrop, but he doesn't care.

"Then why would you leave him at home alone?" the man asks, and suddenly Kyungsoo is furious.

"Excuse me? I have a job. I stay with him almost every day, but I couldn't get out of work today. Just. Is he okay? Can I see him?" Kyungsoo asks, realizing it doesn't even matter, that he just needs to see his Jongin.

"Yes you can," the man says, and Kyungsoo's out the door in 3 seconds flat.

-

Kyungsoo's walking down the street, looking at his shoes, when someone bumps into him, and falls.

The man that fell looks up at him, and is suddenly awestruck.

But so is Kyungsoo.

The man's got dark skin, and a defined jaw. His hair's swept up and about three varying shades of brown.

Kyungsoo extends his hand to him, because he's a nice person, and he helps everyone up.

(And maybe he wants to see if his hands are as nice as the rest of him. They are. And maybe Kyungsoo has a thing for nice hands, okay?).

"Um, I'm sorry. My friend Chanyeol sent me a funny picture and I wasn't paying attention and suddenly you come out of nowhere, and I'm falling and then you're helping me and wow you have really pretty lips," the man says, and Kyungsoo likes him already.

"Yes," Kyungsoo says, and smiles, giving the man his brightest smile.

"Um, yes what?" the man says, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. And Kyungsoo can't help but think about how cute it is.

"I'd love to get coffee with you," he says, walking in the direction of his favorite coffee shop. "My name's Kyungsoo, by the way."

And Jongin has no choice but to follow him.

-

Kyungsoo can't catch a fucking taxi. Jongin's probably in pain in the hospital and not one taxi will stop for him.

-

They've been texting nonstop for days, save for the time that they need to sleep.

Jongin complains about his stupid internship that he needs to get into the dance company he wants.

Kyungsoo complains about his stupid office internship. Except he doesn't go on coffee runs for people. He actually does paperwork.

They learn a lot about each other, and Kyungsoo knows he's gonna fall hard and fast.

-

It's started raining. Of course it has. At least he caught a taxi.

-

Kyungsoo's in the middle of a meeting when his phone starts ringing. Loudly.

"I-um, excuse me," he says, rushing out of the room as everyone glares at him.

If it were anyone else he wouldn't have answered.

"Hello," Kyungsoo says, and can't fight the smile that finds its way onto his face.

"So um, it's kind of maybe taken me a while to grow a pair, but um. Doyoumaybewannagoonadatebutlikearealonecausethefirsttinewemetdoesn'tcount and we've only ever texted so," Jongin says, and Kyungsoo's laugh brightens his day considerably.

"Yes, Jongin, I'd love to," he says, and when he goes back into the meeting his mood is changed completely.

-

Can anything else go wrong? Of course it can. Traffic is insane. Kyungsoo's tears start to fall, and /god dammit/ he just wants to see his boyfriend in the stupid hospital.

-

"Hi," Jongin says, and if he smiled any bigger his face would rip in half. Which. Kyungsoo likes his face just the way it is.

"Hi," Kyungsoo replies, and they're on their way.

It's considerably awkward, seeing that it's their first date.

They both reach for popcorn at the same time, and Jongin does the stupid I'm-gonna-yawn-and-put-my-arm-around-you move. Kyungsoo snuggles into him anyways.

After the movie, Kyungsoo inconspicuously intertwines their fingers. Jongin looks down at him, but Kyungsoo's trying his hardest to look anywhere but at him.

He fails.

-

He pays the cab driver and gets out of the taxi. He hopes Jongin isn't in too much pain.

-

"But babe, we had a date!" Kyungsoo complains.

"I know- I just. I have that really important audition soon. I need to practice," Jongin says, and Kyungsoo recognizes his insecure voice.

He says goodbye, and starts making some hot cocoa.

He finds his way to Jongin's practice room easily enough; it's the only occupied room.

He slips in unnoticed; Jongin's too busy wallowing in self pity to notice him.

Jongin restarts the music, and begins dancing again.

Kyungsoo is stuck in his place. He knew Jongin was good, but not /that/ good. Immediately he knows Jongin will do perfect on that audition.

Kyungsoo clears his throat, and Jongin whips his head around.

His smile is instant.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" he asks, and Kyungsoo walks towards him, smiling.

He pecks him on the cheek and wraps his arms around Jongin's waist.

"You're overexerting yourself," he whispers, and Jongin shakes his head.

"I need /so/ much work and-," he starts, but is cut off by Kyungsoo reaching up on his tiptoes to kiss him.

He pulls back, and Jongin smiles.

"Come on," Kyungsoo says, and grabs Jongin's hand, pulling him out the door. "Let's go back to my place."

Jongin stops, and pulls Kyungsoo to him, smiling down at him.

"I love you," Jongin says, and Kyungsoo's shocked.

His shock melts into awe. "I love you, too, dummy."

-

The receptionist won't let him in to see him.

-

"Jongin, no. This couch is hideous. I let you keep that damned bean bag chair, you can't bring this thing into my apartment," Kyungsoo grumbles, hoping his argument works.

"/Our/ apartment," Jongin corrects with a smug smile.

"Jongin, there isn't even room for the stupid couch!" Kyungsoo huffs, finally letting his irritation get the best of him.

"I want my couch!" Jongin fights back, also letting the irritation get to him.

"I said no, and that's it," Kyungsoo says, and he knows he's being unreasonable. There's enough room for the stupid couch.

"You're being stubborn!" Jongin shouts, and it startles Kyungsoo.

He recovers. "So are you!" Kyungsoo shouts back, and he's really mad now.

But Jongin starts laughing.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" Kyungsoo demands, and wonders what the hell is wrong with his boyfriend.

"Our first fight is over a stupid couch," Jongin says, and starts laughing all over again.

Kyungsoo can't help but laugh along with him.

(They keep the couch. Kyungsoo secretly loves it.)

-

Thank god Baekhyun works in this hospital.

"God you're so lucky I'm working right now," Baek complains, and Kyungsoo's really grateful.

The elevator ride is slow and lonely, even with Baekhyun chattering in the background.

-

"Soo?" Jongin says, snapping Kyungsoo out of his trance.

"Yes?" he replies, looking over at his boyfriend and smiling.

"Why do you always stare out the window when it rains?" Jongin asks, pulling his lower lip between his teeth.

"I dunno. Just like to think a lot, I guess," he replies, and he's got a sad tone to his voice.

"It worries me," Jongin says. "You get all depressed.

Kyungsoo smiles and pecks him on the cheek. "I'm fine. How could I be anything less when I've got you walking around my apartment with those great dance legs," Kyungsoo says, and starts laughing.

Jongin laughs along, pulling his Kyungsoo into his arms.

-

"Well. It's right there. That's his room," Baekhyun says, and Kyungsoo's holding onto the hem of his shirt to stop his hands from shaking.

"I'm- um. Thanks, Baek," he says, and is surprised when Baekhyun pulls him into his arms.

"You're okay. No matter what happens. We're here for you," he says, and Kyungsoo knows he means himself and Chanyeol. He lets the sobs take over his body, because he knows his better half is going to be gone soon.

He takes a shaky breath and steps towards the door.

-

"I can't wait for you to meet my friends," Jongin says, smiling down at Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo gives a nervous chuckle.

"I'm so nervous. I feel like they're all going to hate me. Plus there's a lot of them. How does someone even have /ten/ people in a group of friends?" Kyungsoo asks, only making himself much more anxious.

Jongin stops walking, and pulls his boyfriend to him, wrapping his arms around him.

"Hey, don't worry, babe. It's okay. They're going to love you almost as much as I do, okay?" He says, and kisses Kyungsoo on the top of his head. Kyungsoo nods and they continue walking until they get to the door of a kind of all right apartment building.

-

He puts his hand on the handle of the door, and takes a shaky breath, preparing himself for what's on the other side.

-

Jongin knocks on the door twice, and they're buzzed in.

They walk up 2 flights of stairs and Kyungsoo pretends he isn't gasping for air.

Before anyone can even knock, the door is swung open, and there's a man standing in front of them.

He's /huge/, and attractive. Kyungsoo notices that he looks naturally angry.

"Hey Kris," Jongin says, and Kris breaks into a smile.

"CHANYEOL! Jongin and some short kid are here!" Kris shouts, and walks back into the apartment.

Kyungsoo's a little stunned.

Jongin pulls him along behind him, and they make their way to the living room, where there's 10 people, including Kris, surrounding an empty pizza box and about three full ones.

Kyungsoo runs his free hand through his hair.

Jongin sits next to a short boy who's sitting on a guy almost as tall as Kris. They're wrapped around each other and Kyungsoo immediately knows that they're Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Jongin's told him about them.

He sits down next to Jongin, and everyone stares at him expectantly.

He gulps. "Um. I'm Kyungsoo," he says, and grabs Jongin's hand.

Jongin smiles at him, and someone says, "So you're the one that's been fucking Jongin, huh?"

Kyungsoo chokes on air.

"Sehun!" a man with whitish blonde hair scolds, and digs into the pizza box.

The awkward tension breaks as they all laugh, and little conversations start up here and there. 

He quickly realizes that they're all in pairs.

Junmyeon and Jongdae, Sehun and Tao, Minseok and Luhan, Baek and Chanyeol, and Yixing and Kris.

And he knows he's gonna get along just fine with all of them.

-

He thought he'd feel something. But he doesn't. Just a kind of emptiness in his heart that he knows he's gonna feel later on.

Jongin's asleep on his hospital bed.

Kyungsoo sits next to him on a chair that should be way more comfortable.

He cards his hands through Jongin's hair and wonders how they ended up there.

Jongin stirs a little, and Kyungsoo notices the IV in his arm.

A nurse comes in and smiles at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo clears his throat, "Um. Do you know what happened?"

Alexis, her nametag reads, tells him that the virus is starting to wear his bones down to almost nothing. He's lucky he's made it for this long without coming in.

She leaves and Kyungsoo stares at a wall. He hopes Jongin wakes up tomorrow morning.

-

He does.

Kyungsoo is so relieved he cries. And now he can feel it. His heart feels like it's being trampled on and he knows that when Jongin is gone it's going to be a thousand times worse.

"Hey, baby," Jongin says, and even that is strained.

He tries to sit up, and falls back down. He grits his teeth in frustration and Kyungsoo's heart breaks a little more.

Jongin tries again. And again. And eventually starts crying.

So Kyungsoo does too.

Kyungsoo climbs in the bed with him, pulling up the covers to get in with Jongin. He's careful not to look at Jongin's body; afraid of what he's going to see, and he doesn't think he can handle it. He's also careful not to jostle him too much.

Jongin manages to turn on his side, and pulls Kyungsoo to him. He cries and Kyungsoo cries with him. He's far too broken about this to pretend to be strong for Jongin. He knows Jongin wouldn't want that, anyways.

The cling to each other for some time before Jongin has to eat.

-

It's a week later that it happens.

Jongin's laughing at Kyungsoo, and he looks /okay/, when suddenly he's coughing. He can't breath, and he mouths something at Kyungsoo that Kyungsoo doesn't quite get, and Kyungsoo's being pushed out of the room.

He screams. He just sits and screams and cries and Baekhyun's there trying to calm him down but nothing's working and Kyungsoo knows in his heart that this is it, this is finally it.

Two hours later, he's sitting in the waiting room, and he's got Chanyeol and Baekhyun on either side of him. The rest of the boys are across the room and everyone's just quiet.

The doctor comes in.

He gives them the news.

Jongin's dead, the virus finally reached his heart, and he's incredibly sorry for their loss.

Kyungsoo takes the information. He hears it, but it doesn't hit him.

Chanyeol drives him home, sneaking worried glances at him, his lip between his teeth.

It doesn't hit Kyungsoo until he's inside.

He sees that stupid cereal box that Jongin left open on the counter, even thought Kyungsoo's told him a thousand times to just fucking close it and put it back.

He realizes that the last thing Jongin mouthed to him was "I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> all right so this took me too damn long to write and it's the first thing i've ever actually finished, so thanks to alexis for giving me ideas and motivating/pushing/forcing me to finish lmaooo. if it weren't for you this would've never gotten done so thx man, i luh ya.


End file.
